Acid Trip

So….I took time off this week to get caught up on stuff that I’ve been putting off…dental appointment, blood work, homework, household chores, TJ Maxx shopping, personal paperwork, end of summer yard clean up, etc. To maximize this time, I decided to partake in a few personal “beauty” tasks as well! Got a pedicure, purchased makeup at Sephora, started a new workout routine and went on a quest to explore the latest on skincare to help me with my lifeless and dull appearance.

I turned to my personal advisor: Google. Typed in “laser versus chemical peel.” After about 4 minutes of hardcore research; I determined that a “ViPeel” was the way to go. This is the peel that Hollywood gets that is pain-free with little to no downtime (Lie BTW)! Yippee…I can finally get skin like Courtney Cox, Demi Moore, Jennifer Aniston or some other 40 something actress that looks super hot.

Went on the company’s website, typed in my zip, and found a local doctor that performs this treatment. Scheduled a 30 minute appointment, showed up (2 hours post research), paid $300, went back to a treatment room, had acid evenly applied to my face and then it was over. As I lay there dizzy, confused and wondering why I have never smoked, why I have worn sunscreen for over 20 years, and why I always wear at hat outdoors when I’m attempting—in one swoop—to become Freddy Krueger’s fraternal twin.

Doc says, “Does that sting…your eyes are watering?” Sting, watering? That is an understatement. My skin is on fire and I’m crying! All I can think about is how I’m going to avoid seeing my Mother over the next few days, and how my–grow old gracefully obsessed– husband is going to freak out.

This is exactly why it is not safe for me to not be at my job…my mind gets loopy, lacks little to no focus and gets me into trouble. One more day off! Will I survive? Today; scary shedding face ….tomorrow; let’s ask Google: “Cheap thrills with the Golden Driller.” Sounds promising…


  1. Rachel on September 17, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Why do they ALWAYS LIE about the pain, Teresa? ViPeel is phenol with RetinA and Vitamin C. Meanie peel. Only a dermatologist or an esthetician with a dermatologist on her shoulder can apply this, correct? As a licensed esthetician sans dermatological shoulder angel, I paint Jessner’s Solution on faces on a weekly basis. Jessner contains a mere derivative of phenol (resorcinol)–it’s a spiffy little cocktail of salicylic, lactic acid and resorcinol. I pull no punches when I tell my client, “You are going to hate me for about ten minutes. Yes, your face WILL be on FIRE. I have a fan. I know how to use it.” Big Daddy Phenol is the stuff hospitals use to remove that pesky dermis off cadavers…Nazi executioners utilized it as a sweet little injection in the heart resulting in instant death…and 7 out of 10 morticians prefer it over formaldehyde!
    Whomever says with a straight face that a ViPeel wasn’t painful has my vote for the Most Likely to Have Absolutely No Nerve Response Thank You, Lortab! 😐 I mean, come ON–applying an acid that is what, a 1.5 PH to normal skin at a 5.5 PH…why, that is only four HUNDRED times more acidic! Oh, you are being a big’ol whiny pants, they tease. Oh, it doesn’t hurt, they say. Oh, you are overly sensitive! This isn’t painful, they sneer. YOU KNOW WHAT? Remember in Fight Club when Tyler threw the lye (alkaline burn) on Cornelius’ hand? Polar opposite of acid, that alkaline, but Antarctica and The North Pole are both frozen, find that ICE CAVE and pray your Power Animal has built a Snow Man you can dive into. Fortunately, in a few days you will see the most gorgeous skin erupt from under that massive soggy cornflake avalanche. OH BABY, it is soooo worth it. Beautiful you, Teresa! 😉
    P.S. What do you do with a 76-foot-tall, 43,500-pound Oil Man?

Leave a Comment